


Getting Along

by sky_fish



Category: Arashi (Band), Kanjani8 (Band), NewS (Band)
Genre: Depression, Drama, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 04:58:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4291590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sky_fish/pseuds/sky_fish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Getting along well with the group members is a good thing, Nino thinks. But he underestimates the power of the media which can turn a seemingly positive headline into something triggering. When Sho finally snaps, it’s a huge shock for Nino and changes things between them to the worse. Between the members of Arashi but also between the two of them specifically. Will they be able to overcome the crisis?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Getting Along

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally written for gurajiorasu in the livejournal exchange event 2015.  
> First, I wanted to write something humorous… but then it became something surprisingly serious. I guess, I just can’t get out of my skin, I have the tendency to make stories complicated lately. Further, I allowed myself to work in an idea, or lets say a thought about Arashi that bugged me for a while too as a fan. I guess, if you read this story, you might know what I mean. Take this as my personal way of dealing with it.  
> 

Looking back on that time, Nino couldn’t say that he knew exactly _when_ Sho started to distance himself from Arashi. It might have been a stealthy process that didn’t first surface until he finally voiced the problem. It wasn’t like Nino didn’t _feel_ it in one or another way, nevertheless, when Sho finally snapped, it was a huge shock for the others and it changed many things between them. Between the members of Arashi but also between Sho and Nino specifically.

It happened a few years ago. Magazines, newspapers, and TV programs were filled with Arashi. No, not filled, they were overflowing with them. They managed to get headlines and countless articles, one after another for years now, the success that they themselves never really understood or even realized, was still at its peak and _”Arashi”_ was a hot topic over and over again. Appearances in variety shows, doramas, movies, news programs, CD releases, concerts – Arashi was truly busy and always smiling – at least in front of the cameras.

Of course, things weren’t as easy-going and happy-go-lucky as the media often described and reported them to be. Of course it wasn’t just thanks to _Hana Yori Dango_ ’s success and the fact that Jun was starring in the dorama, that lead to Arashi becoming more popular. Of course, they had been working hard and had been struggling for years, fearing of losing their position in the idol world. Maybe, they had to fight harder than other groups to shift from moderate to extraordinary success, to not give up along their bumpy road to stardom, to gradually rise in their popularity. Not that they had cared that much about _popularity_ itself anyway. Not really.

Their working philosophy was quite easy to get. Give your best, create a fun place for everyone, not only the fans but also the staff and the producers. And of course don’t forget to have fun yourself. If you do what you love, others will love it too. That’s how simple it was – theoretically. Most of the time, they were able to live up to this philosophy, as a group as well as their individual selves. Even if things might be hard, difficult or exhausting sometimes, in the end they managed to remain true to it and leave with a smile for each other at the end of a working day. This was a treasure and being able to do this during what is probably the best time of their lives was priceless. So they wanted to give it their fullest, at least that’s what Nino thought.

But then, things started to change. Most likely, they started to change much earlier and he blamed himself for not seeing it coming. Maybe, he could have prevented Sho from freaking out.

On that day, they were sitting in the green room, having just finished some magazine shooting and waiting for the individual interviews to take place. Things were just normal. Nino, settled in between Ohno to his right and Sho to his left, was playing his new game. The sound of his Nintendo DS turned to mute as to not annoy the others. Aiba and Jun were chatting about a recent fashion trend that Nino didn’t really care about. While their leader was taking the chance for a short nap, his head dropped back onto a pillow he recently had started to bring along everywhere, Sho had his countless newspapers lined up on the low table in front of him. This was what he always did, preparing for his newscaster job for News ZERO. He read various newspapers and from time to time he would let drop a headline he found interesting, earning short reactions from the other members, which sometimes would turn into more or less meaningful conversations. But this time, he was acting a bit strange.

Nino was watching him from out of the corner of his eye, feeling a bit irritated by Sho’s nervous shifting and his frowned forehead. Was this just because of the bad news that filled the world each and every day? Sho should have gotten used to that by now, he had learned to build up the necessary amount of consternation and distance to handle such news, something that Nino deeply admired. So what could it be?

Finally, Sho sighed deeply and he leaned against the couch’s back rest, crossing his arms, before he finally started to talk.

“ _’Together Forever – Arashi’s Past, Present and Future’_ ,” he quoted one of the headlines. “ _’Arashi - The Bounds of Five – Co-workers, Friends and Family in One’_ , what the hell is this all about?!” he asked no one in particular, but obviously bothered by something.

“Hm?” Nino turned at him with a questioning look. “What is it Sho-chan? Something about that is bugging you?”

“You bet! Wait, there is more,” he leaned forward again, freeing one hand from his crossed arms and pointing at another headline. “ _’Friendship – Arashi’s Secret Recipe for Success?’_ or this one: “ _’Arashi creates new Trend in the Idol Business – Getting along instead of Rivalry among Group Members’_ \- isn’t it horrible?” he made a disgusted face.

The other members – including Ohno who had woken up from the tumult in the meantime – stared at him, frowning. Something was odd.

“I don’t get your point,” Nino was the first to answer, pausing his game.

“Can’t you see it? They are using our _friendship_ as our main _selling point_.”

“And this is a problem because…”

“They write about it as if it was the _only_ thing that represents us. As if Arashi is all about _getting along well_. Love and Peace, you see? How cliché is that?” Sho looked at a photograph of the five of them standing on stage with wide smiles, settling their arms around each other’s shoulders and pouted.

“But we _do_ get along, don’t we?” Aiba asked and Nino and Jun hummed approvingly, while Ohno nodded his head, yawning tiredly. “It’s not like those papers are lying.”

“No, but that’s not what should be our _main selling point_ , don’t you agree?” Sho pointed onto the newspapers, enforcing his statement.

“Then, what should be our selling point, Sho?” Jun asked, getting more interested in the conversation.

“Our abilities, our talents. Singing, dancing, acting, songwriting.”

“I’m pretty sure that each of us has enough talent to get recognized for that,” Nino chimed in. “But in first place, we’re idols, aren’t we? Selling dreams to our fans, doing stuff that makes people happy. It’s not particularly about “talent”, I fear.”

“Don’t you have any pride in your work?” Sho looked around, the other members facing him confused. “Nino?”

“Of course, we do,” Nino answered. “At least, I’m proud of being Arashi’s best actor,” he added, sticking out his tongue a bit, trying to brighten the suddenly strange atmosphere. But Sho just looked at him and then got distracted by Aiba who snatched one of the newspapers to take a closer look at the article.

“You’re not taking this serious,” Sho pouted. “You don’t get what I mean.”

“Why is it so important to you?” Aiba then asked. “They tell just positive stuff about us and if it helps our image, why not be happy about it?”

“That’s the point, if _this_ is what’s boosting our image, I feel ashamed. I want to be recognized for our achievements and not for what might or might not take place in our green room.”

“Sho, you’re being ridiculous, you know that?” that was Jun.

“I’m not. I mean, it’s not true that we never fight-“

“But we _almost_ never fight,” Nino murmured.

“- Or,” Sho continued, “that we hang out together in private as if we didn’t have any other friends, this just creates a wrong image. And don’t you want to prove that our singing and dancing abilities are enough to make good idols out of us?”

“Good idols, what are good idols anyway?” Jun questioned. “Nino said it before and I personally think that being on good terms indeed helps to make a good idol group out of us, like this we can work in harmony and can provide a good result to our fans. Who cares if the image they get from us isn’t 100% true? It’s an _image_ after all.”

“I’ll prove you that we don’t need this whole ‘getting along’ thing to be successful,” Sho suddenly spoke up enthusiastically.

“What?!” Nino stared at him, shocked.

“We’ll limit our contact, we’ll stop sharing that much insight into our backstage material. We’ll show them that we are successful because we’re talented. We don’t need our _friendship_ to prove that.”

Maybe, Nino interpreted too much from those words, but hearing them out of Sho’s mouth, that he _didn’t need their friendship_ hurt. It hurt Nino more than he thought it would. Not only his pride got hurt but the whole image that he had about “friendship” suffered too from Sho’s strike. He just sat there on the couch, next to him, feeling this invisible wall that Sho had suddenly started building around himself, maybe right now during the conversation, maybe earlier. It frightened him.

“Well, I'm heading first to the interviews then,” Sho said when a staff member peaked in his head through the door to call them, one after another. “See you tomorrow for _work_.” Sho stood up and left the others who were just staring at him blankly.

“I… I don’t get it,” Aiba murmured confused.

“Sho, wait!” Nino jumped up, wanting to head after his friend – well, the one he _thought_ should be his friend – but Jun gently grabbed his hand and held him back, slightly shaking his head and Sho was gone.

“Has he gone crazy?! Did... didn't he basically just say that Arashi should stop being friends?!” Nino yelled desperately, wanting to free himself from Jun’s grip. 

It was Ohno who finally spoke up. “Don’t take it personal, just let him be, he’ll get back to senses and come back right away,” Arashi’s leader said, sighing as he scratched his forehead.

But Nino _took_ it personal and Sho _didn’t_ come back. Not that afternoon and he didn’t even show up early the next day when the group was supposed to meet in the dressing room before another variety show shooting.

Sho was on time, of course, he was never late, but it was somehow off since usually he was there early, reading his newspapers, chatting with the others when they showed up one after another, gently laughing along at Nino's stupid jokes, which he tended to make when it got boring. This time, Sho was just on time and there had been no chance at all to exchange a few private words with him. Nino had tried to approach him while Sho was getting styled but the older, unfolding a newspaper, had exclaimed that he was busy with reading and didn’t have time for chatting right now. The apologetic smile he flashed at Nino at that time felt off and Nino felt more like he had been made fun of. It made his heart cringe.

The situation continued over the next days. Sho had obviously distanced himself from the other members regarding their contact behind the camera. It felt strange, really strange. Each of them had tried once or twice to get in touch with him, to talk to him but honestly, there wasn't much to talk. At least, they didn't know how to breach the topic.

Though, Nino wondered, if he was the only one who felt desperate about the situation and didn't like it. Jun had been unnerved for two days because he thought that Sho was acting childish but after that seemed to have resigned with the situation. Ohno said that Sho was a grown-up man and that it was up to him how he wanted to spend his life. And Aiba simply hoped that Sho would change his mind and things would get back to normal. He didn't treat them badly, he just somehow... didn't see them that much and didn't communicate much.

Nino had tried a few times to call the other, but Sho didn't pick up or _if_ he picked up he told his band mate that he was busy and would call back later – which he never did. Nino hated it.

*****

“I don’t get why this whole thing is bugging him so much,” Nino lamented, slumping onto the bar.

He and Aiba were sharing a few drinks in a discrete restaurant about two weeks later, the typical meeting point for celebrities from almost all the different branches in the entertainment industry, sports and the likes. Originally, they had wanted to eat yakiniku here but the separate booths were all filled at the moment and so they had decided to drink their first beer at the bar while waiting for an empty spot. Well, in Nino's case his second beer.

“What is his problem? Seriously. I thought we are friends! Is it that bad to be friends with us? Ne, Aiba-chan, did I do something wrong?” Nino finished his glass and bumped it onto the counter, calling for the barkeeper to get refills. He then focused onto Aiba again. “I know I’m not the best type of friend someone could wish for… I’m not the type to go and invite a bunch of people, I don’t pay the bills of outings, I don’t often invite people over, I don’t suggest going out since I prefer spending my days off all alone at home, I say mean things sometimes but…”

“Nino, no…”

“Gosh, I really suck as a friend, don’t I?” Nino stared at the wooden table in front of him, voicing one of his biggest secret doubts. “No wonder that he hates me…”

“Sho-chan doesn’t _hate_ you, Nino.”

“He doesn't answer my calls. He doesn’t even reply to my messages! You know, I actually _did_ invite him because I thought maybe he wanted to have a proper talk about what he said. But he didn’t react to it at all!”

“He’s surely just busy. Don’t worry so much, Nino.”

“But I _do_ worry! No matter how busy he is, Sho-chan would always reply to our messages, right?”

“Well… true,” Aiba admitted, remembering the one time when he had sent out messages to his group members as some kind of “test” according to the instructions in a variety program and it was Sho who had replied first.

“You know what?” Nino continued whining, words after words spilling out of him. The beer definitely had broken the younger’s barricade that he used to build around him, to not let his emotions flow out, usually. “I thought, he’s my best friend and that I would understand him no matter what… and then he suddenly acts like a jerk and I don’t get him at all. Now, how wrong can someone be?”

Aiba could see the disappointment in his friend’s face and he wasn’t sure if it was just the light at the bar or if there were some tears shining in the other’s eyes. Usually, Nino showed a strong appearance, as if nothing could get him out of his inner balance. He used to play different roles for entertainment, depending on which side of him was needed for the specific moment. He had that special talent to grasp the situation and act accordingly, to fill in what was probably lacking, to balance everything. He was a master of wearing different masks, masks that portrayed parts of his character but also hid away a lot of his true self. He could be bratty, acting stingy, mean towards others but on the other side he was one of the friendliest persons ever, he was a positive thinker, had various talents and especially one thing, he was always a professional. When fellow celebrities or interviewers said that it was hard to grasp the _real_ Ninomiya Kazunari, when fans exclaimed that they loved him especially _because_ he was such a multilayer character, it wasn’t surprising. Aiba highly respected Nino for what he was and admired him deeply for being able to act so strong and well-adjusted, even if he and the other members knew that he could be pretty emotional too. It was seldom that Nino showed his vulnerable side but when he was among Arashi in private, especially when he was drunk, sometimes he let go of his composure and glimpses of the fragile side of his personality could be seen too. Just like right now.

Desperately, Aiba searched for some words to cheer Nino up, he couldn’t stand it if his friend was sad. But he wasn’t that good with comforting people either, tending to become too funny, too silly than it would be appropriate for such a serious situation. Bitterly, Aiba realized that usually, it was _Sho_ who would come up with the right words to magically brighten the members’ moods when they were feeling down... how ironic.

Finally, the bar keeper bent over the counter. “You still want to get some yakiniku? Booth 2 just got vacant,” he announced to them with a smile.

Aiba nodded. “Ah yeah, sure. Thank you very much.”

He patted Nino’s shoulders and talked the other into getting up to switch to the private booth. Nino murmured something incomprehensible and grabbed the half empty beer from the counter, taking it with him as he followed Aiba tipsily, almost tripping over his own feet.

About half an hour later, the younger had already invaded Aiba’s personal space completely, sitting at his side of the table, leaning against the other’s side. Aiba was still eating the grilled meat while Nino had long finished his small portion, letting his friend do as he pleased, not thinking too much about it. It wasn’t that unusual that Nino became clingy when he was drunk, even if his “victims” were usually Sho or Ohno.

“Aiba-chan, kiss me,” the young man suddenly exclaimed, stretching his neck to look up to the other.

“What?” the other chuckled surprised as he gulped down a mouth full. Just a second later - he couldn’t even put down his beer - Nino pressed his lips against Aiba’s, snuggling close. The older was too shocked to react properly and as he felt the despair and sadness coming from his friend's action, he didn’t have the heart to move away and so he let it happen. He didn’t particularly answer the kiss but he didn’t dare to push the other away either.

“What’s that, Nino,” Aiba finally asked when the other broke the kiss again and looked at him. “Since when are we kissing?”

“You always kiss other members. It’s not that unusual.”

“It’s for fan service though. Not in private, Nino.”

“It's different anyway...,” Nino murmured with an absent look on his face.

“What do you mean?” Aiba frowned but his friend didn't react. “Nino?”

Nino looked at him as if he was getting pulled out of deep thoughts. “Ah... nothing. It's nothing.”

But there _was_ something. Something that had just flashed up in Nino's memories. Maybe it had been a subconscious reaction that he had dug up this particular memory right now, just as subconsciously as he had compared it to what just had happened. A kiss that he had shared with Sho once, years ago, a small secret kiss Nino had stolen from the other behind some wooden huts as they had spent time together at a training camp. It wasn't that it had been something special, just a kiss out of adolescent curiosity, at least that had been as what Nino had brushed it off after surprising Sho with his gesture. Sho, his secret little crush from his teenage days...

“You're sure?”

“… However, I’m sad, comfort me,” the younger pouted, trying to brush away that old memory.

He sneaked closer again, even if his lips didn't even dare to get near Aiba's again. He tried to ignore this deep sadness in his heart that he had managed to numb with the beer thoughout the evening, reaching out to empty his glass. No, it had been nothing special...

“I can’t believe that _I_ am the one saying this but I think you had enough beer for tonight. I’ll finish up here and then we go home, alright?”

“Will you comfort me at home, Maa-chan?” Nino asked, his arm linking with Aiba’s and he let himself sink deeper, his cheek pressed against the other’s arm.

“Yeah, yeah…,” Aiba just answered, knowing that Nino was just talking cheekily and reached out for the last few pieces of meat, looking compassionately when he felt the figure of the other pressing against him heavily, realizing that Nino had fallen asleep.

*****

Not knowing about the presence of his band mates, Sho was sitting in the very same restaurant this evening, meeting up with some of his closest friends, actor Tsumabuki Satoshi and fellow idol Kato Shigeaki from NEWS.

“I saw Ninomiya and Aiba sitting at the bar, Sho, you should go say hello,” Tsumabuki said chuckling and pointed into the direction of the bar as he came back from the toilet. “Ninomiya looked pretty drunk already, if you ask me.”

Sho and Shige were discussing a few ideas for Shige’s new manuscript, who shared them enthusiastically with Sho, asking him for his opinion. Sho just exchanged a short look with Tsumabuki, ignoring his comment and took his chopsticks to reach out for another piece of meat, getting ready on the fire grill in the middle of the table. Tsumabuki gave his friend a slightly irritated look.

“...What?” Sho asked.

“Don’t you wanna go greet them?” his friend asked wondering, fishing for some meat too while Shige was refilling his glass of beer. “Did you have a fight or something?”

“No, not particularly,” Sho started. Anyway, why should people immediately assume that just because he didn’t jump up to go say “hello” to his band mates, they had a fight? “It’s just, I’m here with _you_ guys tonight, that’s all. Let’s eat!”

“OK…,” Tsumabuki looked at Shige a bit helplessly, obviously not understanding his friend’s reaction but the black haired idol just shrugged his shoulders and focused onto eating again.

About forty minutes later when Sho went out of the booth to visit the toilet, he couldn’t prevent himself from checking the bar, his eyes searching for the two familiar figures, Tsumabuki had mentioned before. But he couldn’t see them. Maybe, they had already left the place, going on to another place for drinking. He just hoped, the two of them wouldn’t overdo it, he knew just too well that Aiba had a specific talent to make other people drunk, especially Nino who didn’t deal well with alcohol anyway. Sho remembered countless times at which he had prevented the younger from getting too drunk or had taken care of him afterwards when it was too late for doing that. When he came back from the toilet, Sho hesitated a bit. Was he too curious? He then turned to the bar, waiving at the bar keeper who quickly served the beer he was holding in his hands to its destined purchaser before he turned to Sho.

“Excuse me, is it true that Ninomiya and Aiba had been here?”

“Ah, yeah, they were sitting right here until... thirty minutes ago,” the barkeeper nodded.

“I see… so they left the place already?”

“No, no, they just moved to a booth to eat, the places were full before so they had been waiting. In case you want to drop by, it’s number 2.”

That was just 3 booths away from the one Sho was sharing with his friends...

“Alright, thank you very much.”

Passing through the corridor, Sho finally couldn’t resist the urge of checking on his friends. He was worried about Nino getting dead drunk and having a huge headache the following day (a day on which they would have filming and Nino surely would regret it) and so he stopped short in front of booth number 2. He hesitated for a short while but then, he silently knocked at the wooden frame of the sliding paper door and slid it open a few seconds later when no response seemed to come. The picture he saw though, didn’t only explain why he didn’t hear any answer from inside, but also made him freeze in his movement. Nino and Aiba were sitting there, next to each other, their backs facing Sho and they were kissing.

Kissing.

Sho gaped at them, shocked, and immediately let the door slip close again, trying to not make too much noise so that they didn’t realize his presence. He quickly leaned against the paper door and reached his hand up to his heart which was suddenly pounding like crazy.

He wasn’t sure what to think or feel in this moment, of course, first of all there was the shock. Seeing two of his friends – band mates – kissing each other in private was definitely not what he had expected to find. What did it mean, were they together? If yes, since when? Nino never mentioned anything about liking Aiba _that_ way, neither did Aiba the other way round. Though, neither of them shared much about their love lives usually, being either too secretive about it or too busy with work to think about something like love, anyway. Nevertheless... Why did Sho never notice anything?

Then, there was this prominent pierce right into his heart. He didn’t know what it was exactly, maybe because he somehow felt… left out? Not that he wanted to be in one of their pairs of shoes. Or did he?... 

Nino’s image popped up his mind. Then the memory of Nino and him as teenagers, hiding behind a huge staple of wood at the back of a hut, talking about random things before the younger had leaned close and kissed Sho. Just out of curiosity, Nino had said back then while chuckling. Sho still could remember the bratty smirk on Nino's face. Was it just curiosity now too that made Nino kiss Aiba?

Quickly, Sho brushed his hand over his face, trying to chase the thought away. This was so confusing! In the end, the only thing he _knew_ was that he didn’t like what he just saw. Not at all.

*****

Sho didn’t think that seeing Nino and Aiba kissing the previous evening would bug him that much but it did. Pretty much. He didn’t sleep much last night, tossing and turning as countless thoughts invaded his mind, keeping him awake. But that didn’t really make him understand his twisted feelings. Was he jealous? That would be the simplest explanation. Though, why should he get jealous when he saw two of his friends kissing? He should be mad at them because they obviously contradicted his efforts to prove that Arashi didn't need to be close to be popular. Was it possible that they wanted to boycott him? No, that was a stupid thought too...

Maybe, they had just been drunk. Didn’t Tsumabuki mention that Nino was already pretty drunk at the bar? And since Sho wasn’t there to control the alcohol consume of the younger, maybe he just drank too much and reached a new level of drunken touchiness?

Yeah, that was the most likely explanation (or the most stupid one ever), the man thought, trying to convince himself. If _he_ had been there instead of Aiba, Nino might have kissed _him_ … or not, because he wouldn’t have allowed the other to get drunk to such a level. It’s not like he wanted to get kissed by Nino again anyway. What the hell was he thinking?!

However, when Nino and Aiba arrived together at the green room the next day, giving the impression that they had left from the very same place (Nino's apartment? Aiba's apartment?) Sho had to admit, that he didn’t like _that_ either. For a reason he couldn’t fully grasp yet, he hated seeing those two acting so close suddenly, even if they were friends since… forever. Nino obviously was suffering from a hangover, Sho thought, examining his tired look, the slightly too slow reactions and his frowned forehead that indicated a huge headache. Aiba had his arm around Nino’s shoulder when he guided him toward the couch and the two of them sat down in their usual spots.

“What’s up?” Sho couldn’t resist asking and glancing at Nino out of the corner of his eye.

“Eh? Ah, well… I might have overdone it a little yesterday.”

“Drank too much, huh?” Sho turned over the page of his newspaper, focusing his look onto a headline whose meaning his brain couldn’t process at the moment.

“Maybe...”

“Don’t worry, Sho-chan, I took Nino home and took care of him,” Aiba suddenly chimed into their conversation (was this even a proper conversation, Sho wondered) and the other couldn’t describe how much he wanted to mute his band mate right now. The image of his two friends kissing popped into his head again and suddenly, his thoughts got carried away, making him imagine what they could have done together after that. Did they kiss again? Maybe, did they go even further? Sho gulped down a heavy lump which was forming in his throat.

“I see… did you two have fun, then?” he asked, maybe a bit too coldly but just before one of them could answer, Jun showed up, coming back from the stylist and Sho took the chance. He stood up, folding his newspaper and excused himself for going next.

He could feel the surprised look on the faces of his band mates, but right now, he didn’t want to turn back. According to him, this conversation was over. Maybe, it had been better, if it had never took place.

*****

Nino was feeling bad all day long. Not only because of his damned hangover and his almost bursting head that he had to try to hide as best as he could while the cameras were rolling, but also because Sho had acted strangely toward him. _Really_ strange, even compared to his actual generally strange behavior. For the whole filming of the two episodes of VS Arashi which was scheduled for this day, there wasn’t much interaction between the two of them either. Nino didn’t know how to approach Sho and Sho just played his hosting role perfectly, showing his widest smiles as well as his most dorky side during the games and obviously seemed to have the best time of his life. Just, he didn’t much interact with him or Aiba. It felt bad. And it hurt. Again.

When filming was over and the five members of Arashi headed back to their dressing room, Nino was strolling through the corridors following Aiba, Jun, and Ohno, when suddenly he felt a grip around his wrist. Pulled out of his thoughts, he whirled around confused and faced Sho who looked at him with a serious face.

“We need to talk,” was everything that Sho said in a low voice and Nino just let the other drag him into the next free room they could find.

Sho turned on the lights and closed the door behind them. A bit surprised, Nino just looked at him, immediately missing the warm feeling of Sho’s hand as the other let go his wrist.

“What is it?” Nino finally asked curiously, his heartbeat increasing.

Could it be that Sho was finally willing to talk to him about this whole friendship matter? Nino was definitely willing to talk about it, he didn’t like how things were going between them lately. He wanted them to go back to the time when they got along so well with each other, the time when they – at least like he thought – had been best friends. But Sho seemed to have something else in mind.

“I saw you,” the man stated bluntly, his arms folded in front of his chest.

“Saw me? What do you mean?” Nino asked puzzled.

“I saw you and Aiba at the yakiniku place yesterday.”

“Really? I didn’t know you were there too,” Nino said. “Why didn’t you say “hi”?”

Sho took a deep breath and rolled his eyes. Nino’s heart cringed at this irritating gesture.

“Well, when I was about to greet you, you were pretty busy, _kissing_ each other, so I thought maybe I should not disturb.”

Nino could feel how his face went pale on an instant. “Oh…,” he stumbled and lifted his hand to scratch the back of his head. “You mean, you saw _that_.”

“Exactly.”

“Well…”

“What’s going on between you two? Are you two... dating? You know, if this comes out,...” Sho snapped at Nino, still facing him with his cold look and then, Nino had enough.

Sho was behaving strange. _He_ was distancing himself from the whole group and now he stood there and demanded to know something personal like that? The hell?! Even if there had been nothing with Aiba except for that drunken kiss, Nino felt upset, upset that the one who excluded himself from his life over the last few weeks now had the nerves to ask him something that personal like that just because he feared that it could be bad for the group's reputation.

“I don’t know why this should concern you, Sho,” Nino answered almost as coldly as the other had talked to him before. He turned around and gave him a slight push against the arm to make him move away from the door so that he could get out.

“Why this should concern me?!”

“Yes, you don’t give a shit about us anyway, do you?” Nino asked, not sure if he could hide the pain  
that was lying in his words.

“Nino…”

“We're just colleagues, aren't we? You wanted some distance? Then I don't think that it's appropriate for you to barge into my private life like this!” Nino exploded. “Now get out of my way.”

Nino smashed open the door right before Sho, and started to run. He ran through the corridors, not realizing if he even took the right way. He felt angry. Angry toward Sho for behaving in such a manner toward him. He felt angry at himself for being so annoyed because of that – maybe more than he should be – and he still felt this annoying headache. He just wanted to go home.

When he arrived at the dressing room, Aiba and Jun had already left, leaving to Ohno the task of wishing the others a good evening. Nino just answered Ohno’s message with a quick 'thanks' and a nod, changed in record time out of his show outfit into his jeans and shirt that he had already worn the previous day. Suddenly, he could smell the smoke of cigarettes, the prominent smell of the yakiniku he had grilled together with Aiba, he could smell the beer they drank and it made him feel even sicker.

He bid farewell to Ohno in order to leave before Sho showed up and somehow he managed to leave the building without meeting the other again. Relieved, Nino climbed into a taxi, telling the driver to go to his apartment. He tried to focus on something outside of the cab that could distract his stomach from feeling even worse than it already did. Just when he got out of the taxi, paying the driver, and grabbing his bag to head up the stairs to his apartment, it hit him.

Sho had talked to him today. Even if he had ignored him more or less during filming, except for the most necessary talking due to the flow of the conversations, he had _talked_ to him. Two times. Compared to how little interest Sho had showed toward him or the other members during the last few weeks, this might even be something good.

Maybe this was just Nino’s own twisted logic but… at least, he had managed to get Sho’s attention by acting out of normal, he thought with a fast heartbeat blaring his ears.

*****

The idea of getting Sho's attention soon started spreading in Nino's brain like weeds. Somehow, he became obsessed by that idea, it was present most of the time when he wasn't busy with work, well, even during work. He tried to find a way to attract Sho's curiosity, to show off, to.... do anything to make Sho look in his direction. It worked, when Nino said something funny or mean during the varieties. At first it also worked when he acted getting close to Aiba. Sho would definitely look at them, Nino realized and he had to admit that he used that to his advantage and maybe acted a bit clingier toward Aiba than he usually would and, Nino also didn't particularly hold back with being touchy with other people either... people other than Sho at least.

Nevertheless, after a few weeks, this tactic didn’t seem to show any results any longer and Nino became depressed on the realization that he felt pretty clueless and didn’t know what else he could do. It wasn't like he wanted to make Sho _jealous_ or something, was it? He just wanted Sho to look at him, to _care_. Care about whatever. Anything of a reaction by Sho was fine for Nino.

Sometimes, he wondered why he felt the craving for Sho's attention so strongly. He was still disappointed and angry with him but what was it that he really wanted? He didn't want revenge or anything. Basically, he just wanted his best friend back.

The relationship between Sho and the other members of Arashi – and especially between Sho and Nino - became really strange over the next few months, well, the next two years, to be true.

Nino tried a few other things to get back Sho’s attention. He smirked that one time when he managed to really shock Sho as he came into the Arashi green room, his hair suddenly dyed in platinum blonde. It was for a job of course, but why not use it for something personal too, Nino wondered. The other just gaped at him before he talked to him about the project with a mixture of admiration for his braveness and worry about how the fans might react to the sudden image change. Nino also closely followed Sho’s reaction on the spread rumors about a young celebrity being his girlfriend – which of course was not true since they were only acquaintances – or anything else in the media that concerned Nino. However, even if Sho showed some interest here and there, it was maybe not more than any other co-worker would do, Nino concluded disappointed.

He and Sho still fooled around with their infamous stupid dancing and breaking out of a group choreography on a random basis together in front of the camera or from time to time at concerts. Nino also shamelessly took the chance of providing some proper fan service for example in the PV of _“Wild at Heart”_. Not particularly for the fans though, but more for himself, to be close to Sho, lying there in that colorful box, his head in Sho's lap, drawing his attention toward him which – even if it was just for a while – worked at least.

Honestly, those were the moments that Nino enjoyed most, those were the moments when he felt thrown back into their early days, when things had been so exciting for their new group, about finding a place in the entertainment business together with his friends. Those were the moments when he felt most _alive_. But behind the stage and in private, there still wasn’t much contact between Sho and the members. Not more than what was necessary for communicating their schedules, some simple congratulations when it was one’s birthday, the highest of feelings a bit small talk about the weather of an upcoming solo project of a member, but that was pretty much it.

The thing was (Nino wasn’t even sure if it was a good thing or a bad one) that - despite the group had stopped sharing the behind the scenes making videos of their PVs, and didn’t include backstage material to their concert releases any longer, because Sho would be against it – their popularity didn’t fade away. With that, Sho’s theory had been proven right to some extent. Nonetheless, Sho hadn’t returned to his former self, or started getting closer to Nino and the others again, even if deep inside Nino had hoped for that to happen. Did this really mean that Sho didn’t need them and their friendship? Was it more convenient for him like this?

Jun said, that he didn’t care anymore. If Sho needed his private space, he would be the last one dragging him along for some drinks. And as long as Sho pulled himself together during work and it didn’t affect them negatively, he respected his decision. Ohno seemed to have similar thoughts. Aiba had already given up on trying to coax Sho out of his shell and Nino? Nino most of the time was just being silent, sitting there, observing the other, waiting for the miracle to happen, that Sho would start talking to them properly again or wishing he could bring up the courage to talk to him, but he couldn’t. Even if Sho was sitting on the couch right next to him, within reach, if Nino would just stretch out his hand and touch him with his fingers, it felt like Sho was far, far away. Nino missed him. He missed his best friend incredibly.

For some days, Nino didn’t feel like talking to anyone at all. He was simply curling up to himself and his games, sulking like a child who had a fight with his friend from kindergarten. In such moments, Nino wished that it would be as simple as that – _a fight between children_ \- because things would have been so much easier. As a child, you would know what you did wrong and how to fix it. If you pushed someone, causing him to fall, you would apologize and help him up again. If you broke someone’s favorite toy, you would apologize and give him a new toy. But when adults were _fighting_ often it wasn’t that obvious and simple.

Nino still didn’t know _what_ exactly he and the others did wrong, if they even _did_ do something wrong. What did he do to Sho that the other didn’t want to be friends with him any longer? No matter how long and how often Nino cracked his brain over that question, he couldn’t find an answer and the only thing he found was an aching heart. And so, he couldn’t just go to Sho and apologize and _make up_ that easily. Instead, as a result from the strange atmosphere, he didn’t know what to say to the other any longer.

At the end of such days when Nino hadn’t really talked to Sho or anything, he usually ended up either drinking with Aiba or Ohno – or both - in a bar near work, or alone in front of his couch at home, playing some games and drinking a couple of beers. One after another.

*****

“Hey, _little brother_ ,” Nino said amused, wearing his trademark smirk. He settled his arm around Nishikido Ryo's shoulder when he found the other by chance that evening, sipping a drink at the bar of an exquisite night club.

It was unusual that Nino felt the urge to go out but since he had grown bored drinking beer at home all alone and Aiba and Ohno didn’t have time to join him, he had thought that once in a while he could go on his own. It was pure coincidence that he met his kohai from Kanjani8 here and remembering that they didn't talk for a while, he suddenly felt the urge to chat with the other.

“Well, well, if this isn't Koichi-kun,” Ryo replied with a wide smile, picking up the reference for their co-starred dorama from years ago. “Are you here with your members?”

Nino took place on the high bar stool next to Ryo and waved to the bar keeper to order a drink. “No, I’m here all alone.”

“How rare to see you leaving the house, going out without them,” the other stated. “Did something come up?”

“I just feel like drinking,” Nino replied. “How about you?”

“Same, I guess.”

“I heard, drinking without company is the first sign of alcoholism.”

“Says the man who went out for drinks alone,” Ryo took another sip of his drink, eying Nino challengingly from the side.

“Well, not exactly, that’s the reason why I came here instead of drinking all alone at home. How pathetic would _that_ be?” he chuckled and when the bar keeper brought him his drink, he reached out to clink glasses with his companion.

They talked about work, upcoming filming projects, singles, whatever came to mind and soon, Ryo invited Nino over to his place, a new apartment that he had moved to just a few days ago and that wasn’t far from the bar. Nino didn’t complain as Ryo paid for their drinks and followed him outside, strolling along the street, disguised a bit so that fans wouldn’t immediately spot them. They quickly arrived at the apartment complex and climbed the stairs to the second floor. Nino was quite amazed by the luxurious apartment and even more by Ryo’s well filled mini-bar in the living room. The younger took out a bottle of champagne and brought two glasses from the kitchen while Nino settled down on the couch.

“It’s such a rare occasion to drink with you, I thought this is worth celebrating,” Ryo smirked and handed Nino a full glass of champagne.

“I’m flattered,” Nino answered and for the second time this night they clinked glasses.

They talked for a while, drinking more glasses and diving into their joined memories of the drama set they shared and of other occasions when their two groups had been able to meet and work together. Nino remembered the time when Ryo was still part of NEWS and he and Sho visited one of their concerts, attending it as surprise guests and how much fun it was to go and see a concert of their co-workers. He and Sho had watched the concert from some special reserved seats, had sung along with them, had waved with penlights and fans with their kohai’s faces printed on them just like all the other fans did. It was a rare experience for both of them to see the other side of the stage and they had enjoyed it.

“Do you remember how you kissed my shoulder?” Ryo asked chuckling.

“Ah! That, right!” Nino laughed out loud. “You almost freaked out! And the audience too.”

“Well, it was strange!”

“Really? Didn’t you think it was cute?” the older made a girly gesture and winked at him.

“Maybe?” the other answered in a serious voice, his eyes glued on Nino. The other couldn’t help but realize that Ryo didn’t stop staring at him since he had entered that bar a few hours ago, maybe it was time for a bit fun.

“Do you think, I am cute, Ryo-chan?” Nino leaned a bit forward, deepening his flirting attempts.

He didn’t know where this suddenly came from. Nino usually didn’t flirt, at least not beyond the little fan service he provided for the cameras on stage or on TV programs if needed. He wasn’t the type to flirt and he wouldn’t even have thought about flirting with Ryo under normal circumstances. They weren’t even really friends. Nino saw him as his colleague, as a fellow idol, actor, and songwriter. They had shared some memories from their junior time but besides that, they didn’t really have much in common. Nevertheless, he craved for affection. Even if he knew that he craved for the affection of someone else rather than Ryo...

Maybe it was the alcohol that he had consumed already that confused him a little but suddenly, Nino’s memories seemed to overlap with things that never happened, maybe things that he had _wanted_ to happen. He wasn’t there standing on stage, approaching Ryo from behind, kissing his shoulder teasingly. Rather, he was there dancing together with Sho like he sometimes did on stage when they enjoyed their time together. They were wearing private clothes and caps, Sho wore a NEWS’ band t-shirt, Nino carried a towel. They were standing close, Nino's arms on Sho’s shoulders, Sho’s on Nino’s hips. Nino thought about that one innocent kiss he had once stolen from Sho and his heartbeat was speeding up. This time it was Sho who suddenly leaned closer. His lips met Nino’s and Nino slowly closed his eyes, moaning voicelessly into this imaginary kiss…

When Nino opened his eyes again with the warm feeling of lips pressed against his own, he of course knew that it wasn’t Sho who kissed him. It was Ryo who was still sitting there right next to him on the couch, their half empty drinks in front of them on the low table.

“I always thought, you’re a real cutie, Senpai,” Ryo whispered into the other’s ear and Nino could feel the other’s hand slowly running up his thigh, getting nervous.

He was confused, his heartbeat was racing and he knew for sure now that this was not because of Ryo or the kiss they just shared, it was because he had imagined kissing _Sho_. It was just then, when he realized. Realized a feeling that he was sure that he did not just start carrying around yesterday, something that might have been obvious maybe if he hadn’t been so busy with being disappointed or angry at Sho. Maybe, Sho hadn't been just a little teenage crush.

Nino’s heart cringed at this sudden comprehension. He averted his eyes from Ryo, shifting a bit away from him, leaning forward to the low table to reach out for his drink, to grasp on something. He wanted to gulp down the rest of the alcohol but then he decided against it and put it back onto the table. He turned back to Ryo who looked at Nino a bit confused.

“Ryo, listen… I feel flattered, really but, I just realized that I can’t…. do this,” he said, giving the other an apologetic look.

“Can’t _do_ this?” Ryo released a disbelieving chuckle. “You mean you can’t make out with me after you flirted with me so obviously?”

“I’m sorry if I gave you the impression that this was more than just a little joking...,” Nino said shyly.

“Don’t give me such lame excuses, Nino!” damned, Ryo sounded pretty angry. “You just switched your mind, didn’t you? What’s your problem, I’m not hot enough for you or what?!”

“That’s not what I mean, really,” Nino shook his head. “But I think I should better go home now. I’m sorry. Thanks for the drinks.”

With that, Nino got up, feeling his knees almost giving in again as he felt a bit dizzy from the alcohol consumption. Fortunately, he was still able to walk so he hurried to the apartment door, as fast as he could, sat down a bit clumsily in the entrance area to properly put on his shoes and then grabbed his jacket.

“Oh Nino, come on, you pussy!” Ryo exclaimed unnerved, he had followed Nino to the front door but the other just bowed slightly before leaving.

Downstairs Nino searched for a taxi and immediately drove to the apartment of one of his _real_ friends, hoping that he might catch him still awake so that he at least wouldn’t get mad at him when Nino showed up at such a late hour.

“Oh-chan, I have a problem,” Nino immediately burst out as soon as the door opened.

A sleepy Ohno blinked at his friend, wondering. If he had counted with one of his band mates paying him a visit after midnight, he would have not bet on Nino. Or maybe, he had. “Do you finally admit your alcohol problem, Nino?” the other asked in a low voice, looking at his friend with concern after he quickly rubbed his tired eyes.

“What?! Do… do you think I have an alcohol problem?” Nino wasn’t even sure himself, to be honest.

“Nino, you show up in front of my apartment, at…,” he glanced at his watch. “2.30 am. You smell like alcohol and I’m sorry but you don’t look like you can actually walk straight any longer. And it’s not the first time you drank too much lately. It’s not a shame to admit it, you know? A lot of people –”

“I, no Oh-chan, I’m not here because I have an alcohol problem,” Nino negated before his friend cut him again, still talking in his usual calm voice.

“Admitting is the first step Nino. If you need help, I’m always there for you. And the others too!”

“Thanks, that’s really nice but that’s not what I’m talking about. Could you please just listen to me?”

“What is it, Nino?”

“Can I maybe… come in first? I feel dizzy…”

“Ah yeah, sure. Sorry. Come in. A glass of water?” Ohno asked as he left the door open for Nino to follow him inside. Nino nodded and after Ohno showed him to his sofa in the living room, the older hurried into the kitchen to get some water for his friend. “So, what’s troubling you?”

Nino thanked the other and took a sip of his water. He seemed to hesitate for a moment but then, he looked at Ohno with an earnest look.

“I miss Sho.”

“I know.”

“You know?” Maybe, Nino didn’t need to be so surprised.

“Everybody knows. Well… except Sho maybe, he’s still some kind of spacy or something like that, I think,” Ohno let his look slide through his living room, wondering.

Nino didn’t answer.

“So you miss him?” the older picked up the topic again and Nino sighed heavily.

“Yeah… I – I really do. It’s, I don’t know, it’s like I can’t stand it any longer…”

“Why aren’t you in front of _his_ apartment right now then?”

“I can’t go to him!” Nino suddenly panicked. He looked at his friend, his eyes widened, “He wouldn’t let me in! And I – I think I would do something really stupid if I saw him tonight...”

Ohno frowned. “What do you mean, something stupid?”

Nino bit his lower lip and lowered his look. “I think… I would kiss him,” he said whispering.

“Really?” Ohno didn’t sound as surprised as Nino thought he would.

“It’s just that I somehow _dreamed_ that I’d kiss him, I _imagined_ that I kissed him, you know? And I think if I had to face him now, I’d do it. I _want_ to do it. What’s wrong with me?!” the younger was sounding desperate as he tried to explain himself.

“Oh Nino… There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s normal that you want to kiss the one you love,” Ohno said and looked at the other with a soothing smile. “You _are_ in love with him after all, aren’t you?” he asked, just to confirm as Nino just stared at him blankly.

The younger then blushed deeply and averted his eyes again. “Well, I guess, I am. I can’t deny it. But… what am I supposed to do now?”

“Maybe you should tell him.”

“What?! Are you crazy?! Never!” Nino freaked out again.

“Should _I_ tell him?” Ohno teased him, smirking.

“Don’t you dare!”

*****

“I heard, you're a good lay,” a voice remarked casually.

Nino looked up, confused. It was Jun who settled down in front of him in the green room a few days later, not looking at the other as he flipped through the pages of a fashion magazine. There was no one else there yet.

“Please what?!” Nino paused his game, giving his friend a puzzled stare.

“And that you're... loud,” Jun continued. “ _And_ that you're doing it for money.”

A disbelieving chuckle escaped Nino's lips. “Jun, what the hell?!”

Finally, the younger turned to face Nino with a serious look. “At least, that's what the rumors say.”

“Who said that?” somehow, Nino knew, and he didn't need to ask.

“Of course I know it's not true, well I don't know about the good lay and the being loud, but...,” Jun couldn't suppress a grin any longer, “...this doing it for money thing might affect your good reputation. Better hope that this rumor doesn't spread outside of the agency.”

“Come on, who would believe that I'm a prostitute? I earn more money than I could ever spend in my whole life, no need to sell myself even more as I am already doing as an idol...”

Honestly, it was something that he didn't see coming - Ryo's reaction (and it obviously was Ryo's doing) to his rejection from the other night. It seemed like Nino had hurt the other idol's pride. Badly. And so, Ryo had started to spread the rumor. The rumor that Nino had met _a friend of Ryo_ in a bar (true so far, except that this particular friend had been Ryo himself), that _that friend_ had paid for their drinks (well... it had been his offer, right?), that Nino had accepted his invitation to _that friend's_ apartment (still true) and that Nino had seduced _that friend_ shamelessly to get laid (so yes, here it’s where it started to become untrue). Well, at least, Ryo didn't claim that his _friend_ had told him that Nino was a lousy lover. Nevertheless, this would definitely be the last time that Nino had drinks together with Ryo.

Usually, Nino wasn’t someone who believed in rumors. And all he could hope for now was that others didn't believe them either and people quickly found something else to talk about. Someone's new hair color for example or another girlfriend scandal. Nino didn't care too much, honestly. What he _did_ care about though was Sho's reaction to the whole thing. And judging from the looks the other started giving him (even if Nino wasn't sure yet if it was concern, disgust or just curiosity), he was satisfied. Yes, this was how much of a pathetic and despicable person he had become, the young man thought one day as he was taking a shower, suddenly turning the hot water to cold, as if he wanted to punish himself for something.

*****

Things had changed. Nino had changed. And Sho seriously worried about Nino.

Of course, Sho did hear about Nino’s alcohol escapades once in a while since his friends had their ears and lips everywhere and he even heard that about Nino and that guy, a supposed friend of Nishikido Ryo. And it bothered him. Well, it wasn't that Sho actually _believed_ that Nino was the slut he became rumored to be but most likely, he really was with a guy. And probably even had sex with him. Not that Sho cared. Fuck that, Sho _did_ care! He always cared about Nino and since Nino was behaving so strange, the urge of taking care of him was even stronger than ever before. Just that things had changed and Sho somehow couldn't approach Nino that easily any longer. It was like a huge thick transparent wall had suddenly appeared between them. Sho knew now that it was him who set the first stones for it but he also knew that it was Nino who continued his work, more accurate than Sho ever wanted it to be.

The whole thing bugged Sho more than he thought it would. More than once he had played with the thought of contacting Nino and talking to him about everything but what right did he have?

Nino had grown up now, far from the small boy who had once kissed him in innocent curiosity. His love life had nothing to do with Sho, and was nothing that the older should be concerned about. And that one time Nino had told him that Sho had basically lost his right to barge into his private life anyway. Sho had taken it as a blow and since then, he hadn’t dared to come too close to his band mate again. He also didn’t really have the chance to talk to the others about Nino because he felt like this would betray Nino's demands and make Sho look like a silly, curious person that wasn’t able to respect others’ boundaries. And how strange would that look when in the beginning _he_ had been the one distancing himself from the others, redefining their boundaries?

In the meantime, he had proven his theory, that Arashi without showing too much of their off-camera behavior towards each other, was still successful. Their sales were stable, their fans still loved them and everything seemed fine. Maybe, at some point, Sho would have just gone back to his former self and start interacting more with his fellow group members again. He would be lying if he said he didn’t miss hanging out with them at backstage, to chat with them, to laugh at Nino’s jokes in the green room or to go get some drinks together with them after work from time to time, but somehow, things had just changed.

Except his relationship with Jun maybe, which didn’t really change since they had not been that close in private before and more or less had work as their only common point. So things with Jun were fine according to Sho’s definition. But his relationship with the other members had definitely changed for the worse. Aiba had stopped inviting Sho for a beer, Ohno was never the type to invite him anyway but Sho somehow didn’t feel comfortable anymore to ask the other himself, like he used to do before. And Nino… things with Nino had become completely different somehow. Nino had stopped being cheerful and funny in the green room, he had stopped calling and messaging Sho like he used to do earlier, and somehow he had developed a more abrasive attitude towards Sho than one friendly co-workers would share. Sho couldn't say that he actually _liked_ how things were going between them lately.

“By the way, Sho, what is going on with Ninomiya lately?” Shige asked his friend as he handed him a glass of whiskey and settled down on a cushion in front of him at the other side of the low table in his living room.

Sho sighed, taking the glass and swirling it in his hand, looking at the streaks that the alcohol left behind on the glass. Shige had invited him over, had wanted to talk with Sho about his manuscript again and get some advice, but of course they had ended up drinking a bit and talking a bit about whatever that came to their mind. Sho lifted the glass and took a sip of the alcohol, wetting his lips with the slightly sweet taste of Shige's mild Aberlour.

“You know, I heard things, rumors... it seems the agency doesn't let get anything inappropriate outside but... is it true that he lets men pay for his drinks and then... goes home with them, if you know what I mean?”

Sho put down his glass again, maybe with a little more force than he had intended, making Shige look at him, startled.

“Sho? Everything's alright?”

“Let's not talk about Nino please,” the older said calmly, taking another sip.

Shige hummed and after a few minutes of silence, he asked frankly, “Are you angry at him?”

“Why should I?!” Sho suddenly exploded. “If he wants to meet some guys and make them pay for his drinks, what's so unusual about it? He gets treated by everyone anyway, this has nothing to do with prostitution or whatever people think they want to call it. I often paid for his drinks, that's what friends do from time to time. He thanked me properly and that's it. And if he now goes home with them afterwards, doing what-do-I-know, it has nothing to do with who paid for his damned drinks! If he wants to have sex with someone, it's his decision. He's an adult, damned it!”

“Seriously, Sho, why are you so angry suddenly?” Shige asked shocked.

“I'm not angry!” Sho yelled.

“What would you call it then?”

“I said, I'm _not_ angry!”

“All right, all right, calm down,” Shige answered in a low voice, smiling and trying to loosen the tension in the air. He chuckled and took another sip of his glass. “Man, if I didn't know it better, I'd say, you're jealous because he never went home with _you_ after you paid for his drinks.”

Damned. Sho gulped down the rest of content of his glass, trying to hide his blush but it was already too late, Shige must have noticed anyway.

“No way... you're kidding me,” the younger said. “You actually _are_ jealous, aren't you?”

It took Shige quite a while and at least 3 glasses more of his Aberlour to finally make the older talk. Sho had never told anyone about what had happened between him and Arashi, between him and Nino, why they weren't exactly on “good terms” lately. But in the end, even he told Shige about the one evening when he had seen Nino and Aiba kissing each other at this very same restaurant, just a few booths away from where he had been holding a gathering with his friends and how shocked he was.

Sho had started to realize and to regret. He heard of Nino's escapades and those feelings had started to grow inside of Sho. The feelings showed him that he wasn’t only worried for his co-worker and friend. No, Shige was right, he was deeply jealous of those guys who spent their time with Nino now, possibly much closer to him than Sho had ever been. He remembered their teenage kiss and he got angry. He wished back for that innocent boy who had kissed him. He wanted to be the one paying for Nino's drinks.

He regretted that things had to come that far, that he had to distance himself from Arashi first to finally realize how much they, and especially _Nino_ , meant to him. And maybe, it was too late now to admit his mistake and to go back to things like they used to be.

Sho wasn't sure if it was the nth glass of whiskey or something else, but he wanted to throw up.

*****

“Seriously, Nino, you should order water next,” Ohno suggested to his friend and snatched away the half empty glass of beer to finish it himself. He was still sober, compared to the other.

“Don’t steal my beer, Oh-chan!” the younger protested and immediately turned to his left, tugging Aiba at his sleeves. “Maa-chan, Oh-chan stole my beer! Do something!”

Aiba just patted his friend’s hair and offered to feed him a piece of yakiniku instead. The three guys had decided to go out eating after dance practice to celebrate the release of their new single. Jun and Sho had checked themselves out, Jun had to get up early for filming the following day and Sho had – not really surprisingly – other plans already. But that didn’t keep the other three members of Arashi from celebrating.

“I’m going to the toilet,” Nino then murmured and got up a bit tipsily, excusing himself.

“Take care,” Aiba yelled after him.

When Nino had exited the private booth that he shared with his friends and slowly walked along the corridor, he suddenly heard a familiar voice behind him.

“Ninomiya-kun, hey!”

When Nino turned around, almost tripping over his feet, he spotted – this yellow shock of hair was unmistakable - Tegoshi Yuya. The younger rushed towards his senior and let his arm slip around Nino’s waist to prevent the other from falling.

“Hey~,” Nino answered smiling, not complaining as Tegoshi pulled one of Nino's arms over his shoulders. “Long time no see. Everything’s going fine?”

“Perfect, thanks for asking,” the bunch of smiles answered, cheerful like always. “What about you, Senpai?”

“You know… things happen…,” Nino mumbled.

“Yeah, I heard,” Tegoshi smirked, eying his senior knowingly. “Talking about that, what do you think about the possibility of something happening between you and me tonight? Of course I'll pay for your beer.”

Nino just chuckling shortly at this attempted fake flirt – side blow included. It wasn’t the first time that a fellow Johnny mocked him, since that rumor Ryo had spread. He had hoped that people would forget quickly but somehow, this rumor had turned into a running gag. However, Nino knew how to deal with gags.

“I’m sorry, Tegonyan, you know, blonde isn’t exactly my type,” Nino joked back in a sing-song voice.

“Ah is that so… well, can’t be helped then, right?” the younger laughed, obviously not minding the rebuff. Most likely, he really had just been joking. “Want to go to the toilet too? Need some help?”

“Only with walking!” Nino made clear, pinching Tegoshi's cheek with his index finger.

“Certainly.”

When the two of them swung the door to the toilet open, the room was empty, except of one person. Nino froze at the unexpected sight of someone he knew.

*****

“Nino?” Sho wasn't less surprised to find the other there.

“Oh look who's here, Tegonyan, it's Sho-kun. Say hello to Sho-kun,” Nino chuckled obviously, after finding his composure – if someone could call his condition like that – again.

“Good evening, Sakurai-kun,” Tegoshi greeted his senpai appropriately and Sho nodded his head to answer the greeting.

“What a coincidence,” Nino continued. “I thought, you had other plans instead of celebrating with us?”

“I had an appointment scheduled with a friend here. I didn't know you were coming here, didn't Ohno want to try a new ramen place or something? ”

“Aibashi said if it's celebrating it has to be yakiniku, so Oh-chan gave in,” Nino answered, gesturing with his free arm, the other still around Tegoshi's neck. The younger seemed to have obvious trouble standing straight with Nino swinging dangerously.

Sho just looked at his band mate for a moment before he averted his eyes again, murmuring, “Aren't you getting a bit too drunk again, Nino? You should take care.”

“Why does it concern you?”

Sho didn't answer and continued focusing on washing his hands properly. Nino then freed himself from Tegoshi's support and stumbled against Sho's side, pushing him away from the water basin. Surprised, Sho looked at him, the younger glared at him, challenging.

“So? Why does it concern you?”

“Cut it out Nino,” Sho just answered in a cold tone while he quickly dried his hands at the side of his trousers. He didn't feel like arguing with the other. “I won't say anything more, if you want to get drunk and get fucked by your junior, go ahead.”

“Uhm... I think I should leave now,” Tegoshi said with a hint of embarrassment and slipped out of the toilet, leaving them alone.

What a coward, Sho thought, rolling his eyes.

“What's this, Sho,” Nino smirked. He got closer, putting his hands onto Sho's torso and leaned closer so that he could whisper into the other's ear. “Jealous? You want to do it with me too?”

Sho looked at the younger shocked but he couldn't deny that his heart had started to race. He felt caught. He cleared his throat and chuckled slightly. “Stop joking, Nino. What are you talking about?”

Nino then buried his head against Sho's chest so that the other couldn't see his facial expression but only a bunch of black hair as the younger murmured, “I wouldn't mind doing it with Sho-chan.”

He must be kidding. The alcohol was definitely not doing Nino any good, it must have turned him completely lunatic, Sho thought. He should better bring him back to the others quickly. “Nino, come on, I'll bring you back to Aiba and Ohno,” he suggested gently, putting his hands onto Nino's shoulders in order to make him turn around.

But Nino seemed to have other plans as he suddenly started guiding Sho towards one of the cubicles, pushing him inside, pulling the door close behind them. He turned towards Sho, leaning heavily close so that Sho was slammed against the wall of the cubicle, surprised and confused about Nino's sudden action. The younger looked up to Sho, showing him a look in his eyes that Sho wasn't able to read, before closing his eyes and leaning in to press his lips against Sho's.

Just after a second, Nino tried deepening the kiss, moving his lips against Sho's, parting them slightly, his alcoholic breath covering Sho's mouth. He let his hands wander over Sho's body, up to his shirt's collar. He started opening the first few buttons, letting his fingers slide under the light fabric, caressing the skin of Sho's neck, his collarbones. Nino pressed his body closer.

First, Sho was simply shocked but then, a mixture of feelings exploded in his chest and the man suddenly seemed unable to handle the situation. He didn't know what was stronger. The confusion over Nino's action? The urge of pulling him even closer to deepen their kiss? This wonderful feeling of Nino's warm lips on his, one that he – he had to admit after all – wished to feel again after so many years, not just once only? Or maybe... this small but persistent feeling of disgust, of being used by Nino, being used like how a bunch of other people had been used already, just as Nino had probably intended to use Tegoshi tonight, for example.

Eventually, Sho pushed the other back, slightly, resting his hands on Nino's shoulders for a moment. His breath was hitching and he still felt the ghost of Nino's warm, wet lips on his mouth. But this had nothing to do with the sweet kiss from their teenage days, had nothing to do with what he had been longing for. This hadn't been sweet at all, it had been harsh and filled with roughness.

Sho couldn't deny it any longer, he wanted Nino. But he didn't want _this_ Nino, a drunken twink who seemed to be fine with getting laid by whoever was willing to do so. He wanted Nino as he used to be, nice, funny, shy. The Nino that – even if this insight had maybe come to him too late– he cherished, loved... and maybe had thought of too much of, as a matter of fact. Just because Sho intended to keep on with Arashi forever, it didn't mean that Arashi's members would still stay the very same individuals they had been. Sho had changed. Nino had changed even more. Maybe both developments hadn't been to any good and maybe, it was eventually time to fix things... if they still _could_ be fixed.

*****

“Nino, stop that! I don't recognize you anymore. What you're doing here is disgusting, offering yourself to someone just like that... You're drinking too much lately, seriously. Pull yourself together,” Sho finally whispered the harsh words, averting Nino's eyes as he buttoned up his shirt's collar again. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, taking a small bundle of bills and pushing it into the other's hands. “Take a taxi and go home for tonight, you have enough, I think.”

With that, Sho finally turned around, pushing the door open, and sliding out of the small cubicle as fast as he could. Then, he was gone.

Nino was still staring at the closed door, trying to process what had just happened. When he finally realized the slightly crumbled money in his hand, he too felt disgusted by himself. He had overdone it, obviously, behaving like a drunken idiot and making use of those stupid rumors just to get close to Sho again. What did he expect? And how deep had he sunken if someone who wasn't even particularly his _friend_ any longer was even willing to pay for his taxi fare just to get rid of him?

Nino crumbled the bills in his trembling hand and couldn't prevent his knees from giving in, letting himself drop back against the wall, slowly sliding down until he met the floor. A first sob escaped from his lips as he finally completely lost control over himself, letting all the emotions he had kept up for so long break free. Disappointment, fear, anger, sadness. Nino hugged his knees close, burying his face against them, wetting the fabric of his jeans with his tears.

If Aiba and Ohno hadn't found Nino collapsed sobbing in the cubicle, he might have spent the whole night there, crying until some of the restaurant’s staff members threw him out. Aiba took a taxi together with Nino, who of course didn’t use Sho’s money, and spent the night on Nino’s couch so that he could check on the other before he left for work the next morning. After a short night rest caused by the alcohol, Nino just laid in bed, his head spinning as his body was working hard to become sober again. He refused the breakfast Aiba made for him and so the older left it behind on the kitchen counter. Nino gave him the bills he had received from Sho the previous night, begging his friend to return them in his place. With that, Aiba left, with Nino promising half-heartedly that he would take care of himself properly.

After the fiasco in the restaurant, Nino hit rock bottom. He detested himself, he was angry at himself, ashamed of what he did and he feared more than ever, that he have lost Sho forever now. What had become of him? The other must at least hate him as much as Nino hated himself.

Nino didn’t sleep for almost three days, expect of a few short naps, kept busy with work or awake by his thoughts. He was relieved that for those days there was only solo work scheduled so that he could avoid Sho and the others for now. He didn’t pick up any calls from the others and just texted Aiba once so that they didn’t need to worry about him.

*****

When Nino arrived at work the other day, he looked awful. His eyes were red-shot, the huge dark circles around his eyes told stories of sleepless nights and he looked even paler and thinner than usual. Sho could only gape at him when he looked up from his newspaper, just like the rest of Arashi.

“Nino? Gosh, what happened, are you sick?” Jun asked, concerned, as the other let himself drop next to Ohno on the couch, his bag dropping to the floor.

“No, I just didn’t sleep well,” Nino murmured and immediately focused his eyes on the low table between them. He looked awfully tired.

Sho, who was sitting opposite him frowned. Worried, he lowered his newspaper and just when he parted his lips, it was Ohno who asked the question he was about to voice.

“Did you eat anything?” Ohno gave the younger a critical look.

“I’m not hungry.”

“That’s not an answer to my question, Nino.”

Nino just glared at Ohno without saying another word and the other fell silent.

“Nino, you can’t go on like this,” now it was Sho who spoke up. “You look horrible! Do you want to show yourself to the interviewer like this? If you’re not feeling well, you should call in sick. Don't you care about the impression we give to the media?”

Maybe, Sho should have chosen his words a bit more carefully, as he saw the annoyed look in Nino's eyes. He actually had wanted to say something else, something more concerned about Nino's health and not based on what impression he could make on some random reporter. This wasn't the important thing here. Nevertheless, Sho had taken over the duty of acting reasonable for the group, in order to make the concept of Arashi _work_ , in order to protect their achievements. Climbing to the top itself had been a hard task for all of them, staying there was even harder, considering the fragile ground they were walking on. The higher you are, the more it hurts when you fall and if Sho had to be the one hurting his fellow band members with harsh words from time to time in order to keep them from falling, he would carry this burden.

It was just that Nino still didn't seem to see this hidden concern and so, the other finally exploded.

“Who are you to tell me what I should do or not? You play the big boss as if you are the only one concerned about Arashi and about what we’re doing,” Nino hissed, giving Sho a disgusted look. “Stop faking, Sho. In reality you just _keep_ us as long as it’s profitable and you long stopped being part of _us_. You ask if I don't _care_ about what impression we make? Cut it out, really! I don't feel well and nevertheless I'm coming to work _because_ I care. Believe it or not, I'm taking this job as serious as you do!”

“It's alright Nino, we know that, calm down,” Aiba spoke up, trying to prevent the inevitable but it was too late.

“You _care_?” Sho chuckled, tossing away his newspaper, glaring at Nino. “If you do care, why is it that you keep on sleeping around like crazy, even letting people believe that you are getting _paid_ for it, if it's bullshit?” Nino gaped at Sho, bewilderment covering his face but he couldn't react and before Sho knew what exactly was coming out from him, he kept on hurting the other, hurting himself too like this, piercing his own heart with the verbalization of his deepest fear. “If you cared, wouldn't you try to keep your reputation clean? Or... don't tell me that you can't do that because it's actually true?”

“Sho!” Jun chimed in with a harsh voice.

“I have enough of this,” Nino finally stood up, his voice was shaking badly and his eyes looked hurt. “Maybe Mr. Perfect Sakurai would prefer if I leave the group? Will that satisfy you?” 

“Nino!!” Jun exclaimed, even more shocked than before, while Aiba slammed his hands in front of his mouth. Ohno slapped his own forehead and shook his head.

Sho stared at Nino, his heart feeling stabbed. This wasn't funny, damned. Not funny at all! “You - you want to quit Arashi?” he asked in a low voice, shocked.

Nino sighed heavily, brushing his hand over his face before he pulled in a deep breath and faced Sho again. “Of course I do _not_ want to quit Arashi, idiot! I want it back the way it was before you came up with this great idea of stopping to be friends and just focusing on work and our talents and that whole shit. Maybe, for you “Arashi” is just a job but for me, it’s not only my job, it’s my _life_!”

“Nino, I never said anything about stopping to be friends,” Sho responded.

And then the dam was breached and tears spilled out of Nino's eyes as he continued yelling. “But that’s what you _did_! You stopped being our friend and you ruined everything with that!”

“What did I ruin, Nino? Arashi is still doing great, the sales, everything…”

“What you did ruin? Well… it’s your luck that all of us are professionals so we kept up Arashi’s success up to now, yes, but what you ruined was the _true_ Arashi, our essence,” Nino spilled, “What we used to be – yeah, I mean backstage and in the green room and after work when we celebrated or whatever. Just because you were obsessed by the idea of not letting this show to the outside. You ruined things between us. And between you and me. Didn’t you even notice? You’ve always been so kind and then suddenly you were just… cold and I just can’t cope with this any longer… I don’t recognize you anymore, what did you do to my best friend?!” Nino yelled at him, despair making his voice trembled.

Sho’s heart cringed when he heard Nino spoke those words and a wave of compunction took over him. Nino had called him his best friend… Maybe, this was the first time that Sho realized that he meant that much to Nino. He knew that Nino liked him, that he was attached to him, at least since the day when the two of them found out they would be in a new group called “Arashi” and started worrying about their future together. And especially since they shot the dorama “Yamada Taro” together.

Around that time, they had become really close and he learned a lot about the other. He learned that Nino sometimes liked to get clingy to the people he liked because he often felt lonely. He learned that Nino was often too shy to voice his real thoughts and tended to warp them into jokes, especially when he was younger. He learned that Nino, even if he wasn’t the chatty type, could start endless conversations with people he was close to – people like Sho and the other Arashi members. He learned that Nino didn’t have that many friends, not the close type ones at least. He learned that Nino counted him as part of his “inner circle”, obviously… but he didn’t know that Nino considered him as his best friend. Well, _had_ considered him as his best friend...

“I’m done with you,” Nino finally hissed, darting an empty look at Sho, piercing the other’s heart.

The older man could only stare at the door that slammed shut a second later, leaving the remaining Arashi members behind.

“I feared it would come to such a situation,” Ohno sighed.

“Well done, Sho,” Jun murmured ironically, crossing his arms in front of his chest while Aiba composed himself and announced that he would go and get the other back after he shot a disappointed look toward Sho.

“What?! You’re blaming _only me_ for this mess?”

“Are you really that stupid? Why do you think, Nino became like that? Did you even listen to him?” Jun continued, obviously close to losing his temper.

“You hurt him, Sho,” Ohno stated calmly. “Maybe it wasn’t your intention but it’s a fact that with your behavior lately, you hurt him badly. It drove him to despair, didn't you notice the level of his alcohol consumption lately? To say it carefully, it's alarming sometimes. And now you insulted him so badly! I mean, you know him the best out of us, you should _know_ that he doesn't do something like _that_ for money, seriously. Gosh, Sho, he thought you were best friends! We all thought that. But did you ever treat him accordingly lately?”

“Maybe not but… didn’t you hear those stories about him?” Sho asked as if this was an excuse for his behavior.

“You mean his so-called one-night-stands?”

“So-called? If those weren’t one-night-stands, what would you call them?”

“Even _if_ he had one-night-stands, why does it concern you?” Jun barged in.

Sho didn’t answer. He couldn’t just admit that he was deadly jealous in front of the others, could he?

“Sho, seriously, you don’t really believe that crap, do you?” Jun asked in disbelief.

“You mean, it’s not true?”

“Of course it’s not true. Nino isn’t a whore,” the younger replied firmly.

“But… the story Nishikido told?”

“You want to know what happened?” Ohno sighed. “Nino told me everything. He met Nishikido at a bar and got invited to his place. It seems they kissed when they were drinking together but Nino refused more, so he left Nishikido’s place, who then became angry and started spreading that ridiculous rumor. It’s a lie. I guess, he was just mad at Nino for rejecting him.”

Sho gulped. If this was true… “And the stories about those other men? And I saw him with Tegoshi at the yakiniku place recently, what was that?”

“I don’t know where _those_ are coming from but I’m pretty sure those are rumors too,” Ohno explained. “Nino was with me and Aiba at the yakiniku place, maybe he just met Tegoshi there by chance. Is seeing them together enough for you to freak out?”

“But… but he and Aiba, they kissed on that day in the yakiniku restaurant, I saw them!” Sho kept on and surprisingly, Ohno seemed to know the truth behind this story too.

“Gosh, that old story? Wasn’t that years ago? Yes, they kissed because Nino was drunk and wanted to get comforted after you behaved like a jerk, but nothing more happened. He fell asleep at the restaurant, Aiba took him home, end of story.”

“And what about this? He kissed me out of the blue and asked me if I was jealous and wanted to do _it_ with him too… what do you think he was referring to then?”

“Oh, that’s what happened? Gosh, did that idiot have to make things even more complicated?” Jun remarked silently.

“Well, he was obviously provoking you,” Ohno explained. “To see how you'd react, perhaps to see if you really thought he would do something like that. And now you even gave him the answer to that question verbally. Sho, you should know him better. You should have trusted him more.”

In that moment, hearing Ohno’s analysis of the situation and letting it sink in, Sho covered his mouth at the shocking realization. All of the sudden he felt guilty for having distrusted Nino so much, for more or less ignoring him. It was true, somehow Nino was his best friend. He always had a special place in his heart, maybe they didn’t talk about all of their deepest secrets but they used to share the same way of thinking and an unspoken mutual understanding, like soul mates. Sho missed that. He missed Nino and he knew that it was his own fault to have risked losing the most important person in his life.

Sho sank back onto the couch. He had really been too obsessed by the idea that he and Arashi could be successful without that “special bond” between them and the thought that he wanted them to shine not because of _that_ but because they were good performers. He had been too selfish to see that he had actually hurt someone he loved badly with his behavior. Remembering Nino's hurt look, Sho suddenly feared that Nino might not come back.

“Do you know that he loves you?” Ohno asked suddenly, pulling Sho out of his thoughts.

“He… what?” Sho froze.

“He is in love with you, at least that’s what he told me. Admittedly, he was drunk then but I’m pretty sure that it was the truth since it just confirmed a long-term suspicion, anyway.”

Sho reached his fingers up to his lips again. If that was true, then maybe that kiss... the remark that Nino wouldn't mind doing _it_ with Sho... Could he really be so blind?

“I think, that’s another reason, why he was even more hurt by what you did to us than the rest of us was,” Ohno voiced Sho’s assumption.

“You should go and apologize or he might hate you forever,” Jun agreed, still a bit grumpy, pushing Sho’s shoulder.

“I - I am so sorry guys, I really screwed up...”

“Don’t worry, Sho, it’s not too late to fix things. We know that you didn’t have bad intentions, you just… let’s say, your methods weren’t exactly good,” Ohno flashed him a warm smile and Sho couldn’t suppress the urge to jump up and hug the other man. “Now go and apologize to Nino, idiot.”

“Fix him, or I’ll kick both of you out of Arashi myself,” Jun threatened the other but his slightly smirking lips showed Sho that he was joking… hopefully.

*****

After searching through almost the whole floor, Sho entered the furthest room in the corridor, and finally found what he was searching for. He found Aiba and Nino sitting on one of the couches reserved for waiting artists. Aiba’s arm settled around Nino’s shoulder and Nino’s body shaking slightly. He could hear some small sobs and Aiba’s soft voice trying to cheer the younger up, obviously without much success. Sho took a few steps closer, startling the two of them. After a short glance, his eyes shining, Nino turned away again quickly.

“Sho-chan,” Aiba said, not really surprised but still a bit huffy.

“May I take over?” the older asked gently and Aiba just nodded after patting Nino’s shoulder a last time, and looking at Sho earnestly before he left the room without another word.

Nino tried to ignore Sho but of course, he couldn’t. He turned away from him as much as possible, sniffed again and rubbed his eyes, most likely to dry some tears. He was so cute, Sho thought at that moment.

“What do you want?”

“I wanted to check on the crybaby,” Sho answered, still not getting any closer to the other, who was facing the low table in front of him.

“Watch what you say, I could punch you, you know?” Nino answered in a serious tone.

Sho turned to face him, his look still serious, and when Nino looked at him in confusion, his puffy eyes desperate and his cheeks reddened from crying, Sho couldn’t hold back any longer. He leaned forward, grabbed Nino to turn him around, opening his arms and before Nino realized what was happening, Sho was hugging him tightly. The younger froze, his last sob drowned and he was holding his breath. Sho could feel Nino’s heart beating against his own chest. Fast. Hard. He pressed Nino closer, burying his nose in Nino’s soft, black hair. He breathed in Nino’s scent, a scent that he had missed badly and slowly, he closed his eyes.

“Nino, please, listen to me,” Sho started, his lips almost touching Nino’s ears. “I’m so sorry for everything, really. I… I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Leave me alone, Sho,” Nino whined and tried to free himself from Sho’s hug but he was too weak and Sho just tightened the embrace to press him closer to his chest.

“No, I’ll never leave you alone from now on,” the taller whispered.

“Sho, you actually suspected me of being a whore just a few minutes ago and now... what's this, are you kidding me?!”

“I apologize, I didn't mean what I said, I'm an idiot, OK? And now, you come with me. You really do look horrible, that I really meant. I’ll take care of you, I'll take you home with me,” Sho sounded determined. “I postponed our interviews via phone, so don’t worry about that. I’ll get you something to eat and you’ll sleep. And when you wake up again, we will talk. Properly.”

*****

Nino didn't have the guts or even the will to oppose Sho any longer and so he just let Sho drag him by his hand out of the room, through the corridors and out of the building. Sho had already called his manager who was still hanging around, to drive them back home. Sho told him that Nino wasn't feeling good and he would bring him to his apartment, which was closer than Nino's. The man didn't ask any further questions when he saw how crashed Nino looked and just drove them to Sho's place.

Nino didn't look at Sho during the ride, staring at his own knees for the whole time. His heart was still racing like crazy. He felt ashamed. He wondered, if Sho planned to comfort him or if he would just scold Nino and tell him how disappointed he was in him. Nino knew that lately he wasn't in his best form, he had behaved like an idiot multiple times and he hated himself for that. And using his disappointment in Sho's behavior as an excuse for all this was really pathetic. He knew that it was his own fault that he couldn't handle the situation better.

Sho helped Nino up the stairs to his apartment as Nino's knees felt awfully weak, most likely not only because of the lack of sleep and food but also from the nervousness that was building up inside him.

“You should take some rest first,” Sho suggested once they were inside his home and Nino dropped onto the couch immediately.

He went into the kitchen and came back with a glass of water and a sleeping pill that he offered to Nino in case he needed it to calm down. The latter thought that it couldn't make things worse and thankfully took both just to find himself dozing off just a few minutes later. He was already half asleep when Sho helped him up and guided him into his bedroom. He helped Nino to get out of his socks and trousers so that he could lay down a bit more comfortably. The other just murmured his thanks before letting his head drop onto Sho's comfy pillow, and got carried away into the land of sleep.

When Nino woke up again after a deep, dreamless sleep, he felt something heavy lying on his waist and something warm against his back, against his neck. Nino's heart jolted for a moment and he almost didn't dare to move. Sho was lying behind him, slightly hugging him and seemed to have fallen asleep too. A look at Sho's alarm clock on the night stand next to a small lamp raditating warm light, showed Nino that it was already long past midnight. How many hours had passed since he had fallen asleep? It must be at least ten - twelve hours... Eventually, he pulled his courage together and turned around in the embrace of the older man, carefully.

The light from the small lamp on the night stand lit the room in a drowsy, comfortable atmosphere and it was bright enough so that Nino could see the soft face of Sho as the other was sleeping calmly right by his side. He could smell Sho’s unique odor, a scent that he had missed so much lately. Right at this moment, Nino's heart just overflowed with the love he felt for this man. He held his breath for a moment and couldn't resist lifting his hand and brushing it carefully over Sho's cheek...

“You're awake?” Sho asked suddenly with his husky sleeping voice.

Nino cringed and moved back a little in surprise but Sho reached to gently touch Nino's hand and keep it in place.

“How do you feel?”

“Uhm... better. You... you let me sleep in the same bed with you?” Nino asked carefully.

“Do you remember? It's like in our old days, isn't it? When we had our first tours and shared a hotel room... We were insecure and scared, wondering if we could make it and if the fans would like what we did. I remember how much of a coward you were back then. We talked for hours, sharing one bed so that we could whisper and not wake up the others who were next door, and then we fell asleep just like that,” Sho whispered, his eyes still closed. Could he picture this memory as lively as Nino could right now?

“Of course I remember,” Nino whispered back, his hand getting excitingly warm from the contact with Sho's skin.

Sho finally opened his eyes, looking at Nino straightforwardly. “You know, when I imagine you sharing your bed with someone else, I get really jealous,” he said earnestly.

“You do?” Nino asked.

“I don't want you to even _think_ about sharing your bed with others... You should only sleep with someone you truly love.”

“So is it OK if I sleep with _you_ , Sho?” Nino asked in a whisper, picking up the obvious ambiguity in Sho’s sentence.

Sho didn’t avert his gaze. “Is it true that you love me?”

Nino hesitated for a moment. It was a huge thing to admit and he still wasn't sure how Sho would react onto it, even though a little bit of hope had at least started to sprout in his heart. “...I do.”

“Since when?” Sho asked gently, caressing Nino's hand with his fingers.

“I – I don't know exactly... maybe since a long time ago...,” the younger blushed deeply, remembering their first kiss.

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“Because first I didn't realize and then... I thought it was too late, I thought... you hate me,” Nino said, his voice cracking as he was trying hard to hold back some tears.

“Nino, I could never hate you, believe me!” Sho answered tenderly and then he said something that Nino could only have dreamed of. “I love you too.”

“Are you making fun of me?” the younger chuckled, shaking slightly.

“I'm not. I swear,” Sho pressed Nino's hand a bit firmer.

“I don't get you. You know, you didn't particularly act as if you love me,” Nino argued in dispute with his heart, which started to warm up and feel happy, even if his head was telling him that what was happening right now couldn't be possibly true. “Why did you reject me that evening then?”

“I'm really sorry for that but... I thought that wasn't _you_. You were drunk, I was confused what you were aiming for. I thought you just wanted me to... You know after those rumors that I heard, I couldn't believe that your action was one of _love_. I didn't feel confident and I felt like a jerk because we became so... estranged, somehow.”

“You know that those rumors aren't true, right?”

“I know that, sorry for doubting you,” Sho apologized again.

“I only kissed Ryo once... I was drunk and everything I could think about during that kiss,” Nino pulled in some air before he continued in a whisper. “Was you.”

Sho looked at him, his heartbeat speeding up.

“Will you stop it? Distancing yourself from us? From me?” Nino then asked, a sense of pleading in his voice.

“If you promise me to give me back my old Nino?”

“I will,” the younger nodded, biting his lower lip.

“Then I will stop behaving like a jerk. I just realized that it's stupid and meaningless anyway and it created such chaos...,” Sho sighed.

“You did! It's all your fault!” Nino poked Sho's cheek teasingly to show him his displeasure.

“I know, I know. I'll never do something like that again. Really.”

“Promise?”

Sho smiled. “Promise.”

“Can you kiss me now, please? I'm not sure how long my heart can stand this,” Nino whispered, looking deeply into Sho's eyes, his whole body trembling slightly from the tension between them.

“Come here,” Sho smiled and leaned forward a little to place a kiss onto the tip of Nino's nose who then looked at the other puzzled. Sho chuckled. “If you want more, you'll have to take a shower and brush your teeth first.”

“I don't know if you're mean or pervy right now.”

“Maybe both?”

Nino smiled and it took him a few seconds, but they got up and Nino followed Sho into the bathroom where he received a new toothbrush. They brushed their teeth together like during their junior days when they attended diverse training camps. Sho then handed Nino a fresh towel and left the room so that Nino could get rid of his clothes to enjoy a quick – since he couldn't wait to be back in Sho's arms – shower. He didn't count on Sho, who surprised him just a few minutes later, opening the door to the shower and stepping inside – naked – just to slide his warm hands around Nino's slim waist from behind, joining his fingers in front of the other's belly. He pressed himself closer, causing Nino to blush under the warm water and trembled slightly. Sho's touch felt like electricity running through his body. He leaned forward, dropping his head onto Nino's shoulder, kissing it.

“Sho, what are you doing?” the younger asked in a low voice, his eyes closed, partly not to get water in his eyes, partly because the sensation of feeling Sho's lips ghosting over his skin almost drove him crazy. He dared letting his head fall back, resting against Sho's strong chest.

“I thought, it's unfair if I send only you to take a shower,” Sho whispered against Nino's ear before letting his lips caress the sensitive spot right behind Nino's ear.

The younger finally turned around in the embrace, he needed to see the other. The warm water kept running over his back, drenching his hair completely. He looked up to Sho, his face and the tips of his hair already wet and right this moment, it was like he fell again for this man. His eyes were filled with so many different feelings, curiosity, regret, nervousness but also – and that was far more important – they were filled with love, hope and desire. Nino reached up with his hands, cupping Sho's wet face. He stroke his cheeks, let his fingers dance over his nose, his plum lips. The dripping sound of the water in his ears and the warm cosy feeling, standing here in front of the man he loved, touching him while he felt the other's hands on his hips, it truly felt like a dream.

“Sho?” Nino asked in an almost whispering voice.

“Yes?”

“I'm sorry too,” Nino began. “I said some pretty harsh words.”

“Everything's forgotten now, Nino. We can start over again, right?” Sho caressed Nino's cheek.

“That's all I wish for. Tell me, is this real?” Nino whispered, not sure if Sho could even hear it.

Sho must have heard it though because after looking at Nino for another second, he leaned forward, slowly, closing his eyes while his hands slipped to the small of Nino's back and he finally sealed their lips in a kiss.

It was a really wet kiss and it tasted like peppermint toothpaste but they didn't mind. Nino moaned silently when Sho's tongue carefully begged for entrance. Nino just willingly parted his lips enough to allow Sho to deepen their kiss. He could feel Sho's hand sliding up his back, spreading the shower gel before burying his fingers in the wet hair at the back of his head, pressing him slightly closer. Their tongues danced around each other, wakening their desire for each other further. Nino could feel it. Feeling it between them, he might have been ashamed if it wasn't that exciting, if it wasn't what he had longed and wished for.

He brushed a strand of wet hair out of Sho's face, and when they broke their kiss, Nino opened his eyes again.

“Need more proof?” Sho asked smirking, leaning closer again, covering Nino's neck with kisses.

“We – we should move... maybe,” Nino suggested a bit shyly, feeling his cheeks brushing.

They finished showering in record time and after Sho reached behind Nino to turn of the water, the taller fished for Nino’s towel to wrap the younger with it, rubbing him dry. Nino giggled when he was dry and Sho still dripped from water, some cold drops landing on Nino's skin, tickling him. He let the towel wrapped around his waist and went searching for another one to repay the favor to Sho, who grinned happily at this gesture.

They shared more kisses, loving ones, cute ones, much closer to their first ever kiss from teenage years than what they had shared in that toilet cubicle a few days ago, and it was good. So good. They didn't bother to put their clothes back on and Sho took Nino's hand to pull him back into the bedroom, making him lose balance as he turned him to lay him onto the soft bed sheets. His own towel still in place, Sho crawled over the other, lowering his body to cover Nino fully with his weight but the younger didn't complain. Sho let his hands wander over Nino's body, brushing his fingers over his cheeks, tickling the sensitive ears, making him shiver as he drew the contours of his slim body, finally letting his lips follow the traces of his fingers.

“You need a breakfast,” Sho said as he kissed Nino's flat stomach, caressing his navel with the tip of his tongue.

“ _You_ 're my breakfast,” Nino answered cheekily, his fingers playing with Sho's hair.

“Let's hope I can satisfy your hunger.” Sho came back to Nino's face, pecking his lips when Nino cupped his face and pulled him into another deep, passionate kiss.

“I'm sure, you will.”

Nino felt Sho's smirk against his lips before the older trailed down again, finally allowing his fingers to slip under the edge of Nino's towel to loosen it. The younger giggled at the tickling feeling of Sho's fingertips ghosting over his skin, wandering deeper and a pleasant shiver ran over him as Sho gently kissed his lower belly.

After a _real_ breakfast about an hour later, Nino and Sho immediately went back to bed where they spent the rest of the day together, cuddling, kissing, talking, doing not-so-innocent stuff, and even more talking while listening to soft music in the background. The sun was setting again and Nino witnessed the slowly wandering shadows on the wall opposite Sho's bed, drawn there by the fabric of his curtains. The room was flooded with a warm light which slowly darkened, dipping them into an even more romantic atmosphere. Nino's heart clenched, but it was a reaction to the endless happiness that was flooding his body right now, giving him goose bumps. He cuddled closer to Sho who had settled his arm around Nino's shoulder, drawing small patterns on his arm while dozing off a little. He pulled him closer.

“Are you cold?” Sho asked gently.

Nino shook his head, turning in Sho's embrace so that he could face the other. “I was just thinking.”

“About something spooky?” Sho chuckled and Nino pinched his cheeks.

“No, nothing spooky. I just...,” Nino settled a gentle look on Sho, letting his fingers brush carefully over the skin he had just pinched. “I just thought that I probably was never happier than right now being here with you.”

Sho put his hand in the nape of Nino's neck, pulling him down a little for a kiss.

“Don’t you dare leave me ever again,” Nino whispered after the kiss, his eyes still closed. “I swear, I’ll kill you!”

“I won’t.”

And Sho sealed the deal with another kiss. One of many which would follow, that was for sure.

*****

In September 2014, Arashi was given the chance to celebrate their 15th anniversary and to look back on their common past all together in their birth place, Hawaii. Sho considered himself as really lucky for this opportunity. The time he spent there with the other members of Arashi was something that he really enjoyed and it would be something that he would treasure forever. Despite all of them having gone through for better and for worse phases in their lives, having to deal with struggles as individuals and as a group, they had grown up together and had grown together as the group they were. And being here together to celebrate brought them even closer, tightened their bond and their will to keep on with what they were doing, as long as it might be possible.

Sho had more or less poured his heart out when it was his turn to get interviewed for the Hawaii documentary that the group had decided to share on the upcoming release of their anniversary concert. It was the most natural thing to do, despite them restraining from sharing bonus material over the last few years, and not really considering such stuff as necessary any longer. However, as a present to their long-term fans, it was the slightest they could offer as a thank you in return. Knowing that their fans were dying to see something like this, Sho didn't mind it any longer.

Of course, Sho had also mentioned what had bugged him for years, the whole “friendship” thing, even if he just dropped a few lines about it. At least it had been part of their history too, not one he was particularly proud of but in the end it had been necessary to bring them to the point they shared right now. And it had been necessary for him and Nino to finally find each other and that alone was reason enough to cherish it.

The thing had really bugged Sho, more than it would have been necessary, he knew that now. It had caused him to create uncertainties among the group, it had caused him to hurt the most important people in his life but at the same time it had strengthened the bond that he shared with Arashi as well as with Nino in particular because they had overcome this crisis together. It had enforced their good relationship and made them even stronger than before and it had showed him that it didn’t matter how people outside of their inner circle saw them, or if they thought they got along well or not. No, it just didn’t matter what Arashi was particularly loved for. All that mattered was that they were happy with what they achieved and that they were happy working together. Being together. Getting along.

When the cameras were finally gone, dusk was falling over the place already, drowning the chilly place of their holiday bungalow in orange. Sho stretched his tired limbs and went into the kitchen, searching the fridge for something to snack. He smiled when he heard Jun and Ohno's voices from outside, the two of them had most likely settled on the balcony to Ohno's room upstairs again, sharing some drinks, like they had used to during the last few days. Aiba was likely tired from swimming and other exercise that Sho couldn't even imagine doing in the heat of those late summer days. He heard some shuffling footsteps, stopping behind him, and Sho's smile got even wider.

He felt Nino's small hands hugging him from behind, felt the smaller man's forehead leaning against his back. He quickly grabbed two cans of beer and a bowl of strawberries, putting them aside, closing the fridge and turned around to face his boyfriend.

“Hey, honey,” Nino said, his lips adorned by a cute smile.

“Hey, sweetie,” Sho answered, leaning forward to peck those adorable lips. And to peck them again and again until it grew into a passionate kiss.

Then, Sho turned around, took the bowl with strawberries to place them in Nino's hands, taking the two cans of beer and showing the younger to follow him outside. Nino followed him immediately, his shuffling footsteps could be heard through the room again until he set his feet outside onto the juicy, green grass. The two went further, side by side, passing the slender but ridiculously deep swimming pool and the tall palm trees until they arrived at the row of five wooden chairs that had been arranged there for Arashi to sit and enjoy the view of the sky kissing the sea. The calming sound of the water washing away the sand gently with each wave and the still warm air despite the fact that night was already approaching, created a romantic atmosphere. It wasn't dark yet but slowly the lights of some lanterns hanging outside at the bungalows in the neighborhood started to lit up, preparing to compete with the stars up in the night sky, which were about to show up. Nino might have found it cheesy if it wasn't that he was experiencing this together with the one he was so in love with.

Sho settled down on the one in the middle, putting the beer cans onto a small table right next to him and then he waved at Nino to join him, making as much space on the same chair as possible so that they could share one.

Nino smiled at Sho and Sho smiled back warmly. Nino was still holding the bowl filled with strawberries, the sweet scent of the fruits mixing with the typical, slightly salty smell of the beach.

“You said some interesting things back there in that interview, Sho-chan,” Nino suddenly said. He took a strawberry out of the bowl and pushed it between Sho's beautiful lips.

“You've been listening?” the older asked after he finished eating. He reached his hand to Nino's neck, caressing the short hair playfully. “Those strawberries taste really good, try some too!”

“I was taking a nap in the living room at first but when I woke up and went outside I heard you talking and stopped by to listen,” Nino said before Sho fed him a small strawberry and he blushed.

“I didn't see you,” Sho wondered.

“Well, you were so focused onto the interview, no wonder you didn't realize I was there.”

“Do you think I said too much?” the older immediately frowned. “I got a bit carried away.... all this anniversary stuff, the mood, it's making me more emotional than I thought it would.”

Nino smiled. “I get what you mean. But don't worry, it was fine. I just think that you will make lots of fans wonder and speculate over Arashi's true bonds again and again...”

“The getting along thing?”

“Exactly that.”

“I think… I couldn’t explain more or I might tell the whole story of how long it took you and me to get together, before I knew what I was doing,” Sho smirked, caressing his boyfriend's cheek.

“So you thought it’s better to let the fans think for themselves?” Nino chuckled.

Sho slightly shrugged his shoulders. “Somehow, yes.”

“They will crack their lovely heads and speculate a lot about your statement regarding Arashi’s internal relationships, I’m sure about this.”

“Well, as long as they don't suspect us two being togeth-”

“Oh, I think they do,” Nino interrupted his lover, earning a puzzled look. “At least some of them. I heard there's a pretty bunch of fanfictions dealing with the topic of our relationship out there and I guess the inspiration doesn't come from nowhere...”

Sho's eyes widened and his lips curled up, showing his cute teeth. “Don't tell me you read one of those...”

“I didn't but Jun mentioned that he stumbled over some of those when he was doing his regular  
_Arashi_ check on Google,” Nino fished for another strawberry to feed to Sho.

“I'm sure, sometimes he finds stuff that he wished he never saw,” Sho assumed.

“Oh, I think he was pretty amused,” Nino retorted chuckling. “He told me that if our sex life should ever get boring, he could send me a mail with some “inspiring material” like he called it.”

“I think that won't be necessary,” Sho smirked.

He reached to take the bowl out of Nino's hands, placing it next to the beer cans on the table. Then he settled his hand on Nino's hip, shuffled a bit while pulling the other to lay on top of him, making it a bit more comfortable for both of them.

“I hoped you would say that,” Nino gave him a seductive look, his lips curling up as he smiled cheekily. He let his finger draw some random lines on the fabric of Sho's shirt.

“Come here, my little brat!” Sho couldn't resist any longer and hugged the other closer, brushing his nose against Nino's earlobe and started to kiss his sensitive neck lovingly, causing him to chuckle.

Nino freed himself from Sho's attack, just so that he could face and kiss him properly. He leaned in, slowly closing his eyes until he felt those familiar warm and plump lips caressing his own. He moaned happily. Sho's fingers at the small of his back slipped underneath Nino's shirt and started to caress the warm skin, tickling it lovingly and Nino giggled.

“Is your injury good again?” Sho asked, referring to Nino’s hurt back from during the concert, wanting to confirm that his boyfriend really felt better, just as he had told him at least ten times already today. But this time, his questioning wasn't only to show his concern, it was also to confirm that what he had planned would not affect his boyfriend in any way.

“Good enough for whatever you’re up to do with me,” Nino smirked, leaning down to kiss the exposed skin at Sho's neck after he had started to undress him.

“Be quiet Nino, you hear me?”

“I can't promise...,” Nino whispered.

**THE END**  


**Author's Note:**

> I hope, you enjoyed this story! Thanks for the challenge to my exchange-recipient, thanks to my mental supporter wendyjoly during the writing process as well as to my dear beta readers airifan and taytt! *hugs*


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